This is my last blog on Raising Children. Encouraging choices in your child’s life sounds easier than it really is. Once again, I’m not a PhD, but a mom who raised two kids who turned out to be good people.
Encouraging Choices If They Come to You First
What I mean by this is, at a certain age, children do begin to get interested by themselves in wanting to experience different things that they may see going on around them. Many take that first step into sports or music by observing others doing it and enjoying it. Our two did just that. So began the world of soccer and violin, but only to a point. Encouraging their choices works better when their intent is there.
My husband and I stopped short of bringing anything up to them. They both approached us and we took it from there. We found it was much easier to work with children who wanted to do it, not forced to do it.
Now Encourage the Choice
Once our children decided they wanted to play soccer, it was discussed how much time and effort they wanted to put into it. Did they want to do travel soccer or club, or just recreational where they stayed local? It was decided that they enjoyed doing it, but not where it took up that much time where they couldn’t do anything else. They also thought about us and the time involved. Due to my husband’s work at the time, I was the main parent, handling practices, games and tournaments.
Both excelled at the sport. Injuries occurred which took their toll on both kids. I tried to still encourage them to go as far as they felt they could. The final choice was still left up to them. As time went on, both began to play in high school. However, I could tell that they were slowly losing interest. The game which was once fun, was now becoming a chore. Our daughter stopped first, then our son, who took up lacrosse instead. I admit that as a parent, I was disappointed to see my girl stop, but it was okay.
Our daughter played the violin in school. She was approached with the opportunity to take private lessons, but decided that it would take up to much time from playing with friends. We were okay with it.
Forcing Choices Can Backfire on a Parent
I’ll be the first to admit, I can’t stand pushy parents. Yes, those are the ones who take their kids at 3 or 4 years old and throw them into ballet, pee wee football, gymnastics, whatever. Let’s say I get it, I really do. We all want to see our kids succeed at something. Maybe it’s for bragging rights or perhaps it’s a genuine love to want the best for your child. Through the years, however, I have seen many children rebel on those same parents. Some kids can handle it, others can’t. Especially those where the activity is just not being performed to the level the parent expects from the child. Nothing can be more discouraging and cause great stress, especially to younger children. Believe me, witnessing a parent berate a child for not getting a goal in soccer, embarrassed me for the parent more. Let’s just enjoy the game!
Encouraging choices don’t have to become a power play, parent versus child. Many parents see starting their child’s interest early, as a way to secure a college scholarship down the road. I have no issue with that. Just make sure, your child is doing what they love, and what they excel at, not what you wish they would embrace.
So whether it be drums or violin, rugby or martial arts, give them some choice. They’ll be happy and succeed and you will be satisfied that you did the right thing.